sushyal life
I've become an anti-social person. My first attempt to like another human being of the opposite sex and be in a pseudo-relationship-monogamous-at-the-same-time has ended in the trash bin. Guy turned out to be an asshole. Need i say more?
Now, all i can think and feel towards this heterosexual relationship is disgust. Frustration. Or maybe i'm just being acidly-sarcastic about all this. OR plainly bitter. My former relationship crashed all over me with me of course expecting it. I was just to timid to do something about it and admit the fact that i can never be the girl for that certain guy. Love sucks.
Ive been sitting all alone in my room for the past few weeks. Toying with my notebook and ipod for an indefinite expanse of time. Waiting for my brains to blow-up (could that actually be possible?). Been trying to contradict the fact that we CANNOT kill ourselves by holding our breath (you know what i mean). Thinking of possible ways how i cant meet my proverbial one without scaring him off to the 9th heavens because of my specifications (but does that mean that he's not my proverbial one?). I like my single-ness and all but i still like cuddling to someone in the middle of the night when the rain is heavily falling, winds blowing in every direction, or plainly when its 3am and im infront of our office building and everything seems so cinematic--good lighting, almost no people are around, you can smell the brewing of coffee..ok, ok, im getting too descriptive about this..see? also, come to think of it, is it normal for a guy--to be exact, a guy who has a grunge band and a complete rocker in every aspect to have a friendster account?
anyhoo, im sick of this rat race. I'm not actually worried of getting all wrinkly alone and desolate from those group of yuppies with hordes of grandchildren. i'd love to be alone, at least i'll have lots of time reading every book in the world. tending my rose garden. feeding my cats. Damnit. i'm turning into one of those old ladies i see in movies where they have a gazillion of cats swarming the house. too bad.
Now, all i can think and feel towards this heterosexual relationship is disgust. Frustration. Or maybe i'm just being acidly-sarcastic about all this. OR plainly bitter. My former relationship crashed all over me with me of course expecting it. I was just to timid to do something about it and admit the fact that i can never be the girl for that certain guy. Love sucks.
Ive been sitting all alone in my room for the past few weeks. Toying with my notebook and ipod for an indefinite expanse of time. Waiting for my brains to blow-up (could that actually be possible?). Been trying to contradict the fact that we CANNOT kill ourselves by holding our breath (you know what i mean). Thinking of possible ways how i cant meet my proverbial one without scaring him off to the 9th heavens because of my specifications (but does that mean that he's not my proverbial one?). I like my single-ness and all but i still like cuddling to someone in the middle of the night when the rain is heavily falling, winds blowing in every direction, or plainly when its 3am and im infront of our office building and everything seems so cinematic--good lighting, almost no people are around, you can smell the brewing of coffee..ok, ok, im getting too descriptive about this..see? also, come to think of it, is it normal for a guy--to be exact, a guy who has a grunge band and a complete rocker in every aspect to have a friendster account?
anyhoo, im sick of this rat race. I'm not actually worried of getting all wrinkly alone and desolate from those group of yuppies with hordes of grandchildren. i'd love to be alone, at least i'll have lots of time reading every book in the world. tending my rose garden. feeding my cats. Damnit. i'm turning into one of those old ladies i see in movies where they have a gazillion of cats swarming the house. too bad.
posted by Biankeeta at 3:05 PM
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