huh?

There’s no turning back. I’m packing my stuff and leaving this place (actually, packing my stuff to Tacloban and then move to Manila). The apartment where I will be staying will be ready by the 10th of next month. My elder sister, Gaela is all fired up with our plan and of course, my elder brother recently mentioned that he’ll like to move in with his retarded sisters. So, there’s nowhere else to go but there.

I’m not the type of person that runs off to every chance I can not to face my problems or issues in life. I face them even if my knees are trembling horribly; even if my stomach is about to spurt a tub-full of vomit; and even if I have people bickering at the back, telling me that I’m being an idiot again. But of course, before I face my fear, I weight the options and choices that I have. I don’t want to go into battle without any bullets or a bullet-proof vest OR even pepper-spray in my pocket—now, that would be idiotic. At this point, staying in this god-forsaken company will only be the most idiotic option that I could choose. I’d rather frolic around and find some greener pastures in the highly congested and polluted area of Metro Manila.

As you might remember, if you scroll down my blog entries, I earlier had an issue choosing between PASSION or MONEY. I asked a ton-load of people from professionals to students and even kids on what would be the ideal or best option. Their opinions varied—a lot that resulted to a headache and the familiar scene in my head of the Devil and Angel arguing. I chose money.
Funny thing is that, I observed that, whenever I ask one of my friends or even random people I barely know. They would first give me this certain look…as if searching for a hint on my face (sometimes body) for the answer that I wanted to hear. Then, they’d fall silent for a few seconds. Give their point of view but then will say, BUT, whatever you chose…etcetera, etcetera. I also noticed (during random chats with my friends) that whenever people ask for advice, they would unconsciously provide the answers to their friends. Basically, all of us (yep, im including mahself here) just want to hear from other people the exact same thing that we have in our freakin brains. Because, for me, we’re just too sissy enough to stand for ourselves and face the relative consequences whichever option we choose. We plainly want to hear them out loud—of course, in the safety of other people’s mouths so that in the end, if everything turns out bad or not according to plans we have those ‘people’ to blame and to bicker with…blackmail is also in the list. Pathetic lil’ beings we are.

Wait. When did this blog entry became a ‘venting-because-I-hate-my-life post?