DISPLACED
The year ended with a lot of fireworks display. I was on top of our apartment complex trying hard not to break my neck from looking up and saying, ooooohhhhhh everytime the flare opens up into different colors in the sky.
Though the year ended with a bang, blowing the ironies and bitterness of 2006 into bits and pieces of ashes—my baggage didn’t. Time of contemplation and counting your graces for most of the people I know, mine: resentment and vague closures (technically, no closure yet) of issues.
I wake up everyday disoriented. I feel displaced. I look around in my room and my mind just registers, Cebu, Cebu, and Cebu; I go out for work and as I sit inside the bus, all I familiarize with is Cebu. I ask myself, Why?
There’s only one explanation I can think of: I’m not yet over Cebu and the relative issues that comes with the place. I thought I was as I declared before. This is not a good thing.
As always, I feel alone and miserable here. I expected it. Clearly, I left unresolved issues just to get away from the stress and frustration they were putting on me. I ran away from my job, the Hulk, and myself. I hurriedly packed my bags and sped off. My friends were clueless and my family shocked (but they had to put up the supportive mode). All I gave them were scraps of explanation (which were a bit defensive), nods and little white lies just to hide the fact that I’m slowly falling apart inside. I’m strong (they say). I’m tough (they say). I’m not.
Now, as I have more time being alone and miserable, I become more alone and miserable. I’m just waiting for the time that all my thoughts go out the window and gradually my rationale leaves me with a pillbox on my hands. Then, BOOM! I’m out. Sweet deal.
Jan. 1 ‘07
Though the year ended with a bang, blowing the ironies and bitterness of 2006 into bits and pieces of ashes—my baggage didn’t. Time of contemplation and counting your graces for most of the people I know, mine: resentment and vague closures (technically, no closure yet) of issues.
I wake up everyday disoriented. I feel displaced. I look around in my room and my mind just registers, Cebu, Cebu, and Cebu; I go out for work and as I sit inside the bus, all I familiarize with is Cebu. I ask myself, Why?
There’s only one explanation I can think of: I’m not yet over Cebu and the relative issues that comes with the place. I thought I was as I declared before. This is not a good thing.
As always, I feel alone and miserable here. I expected it. Clearly, I left unresolved issues just to get away from the stress and frustration they were putting on me. I ran away from my job, the Hulk, and myself. I hurriedly packed my bags and sped off. My friends were clueless and my family shocked (but they had to put up the supportive mode). All I gave them were scraps of explanation (which were a bit defensive), nods and little white lies just to hide the fact that I’m slowly falling apart inside. I’m strong (they say). I’m tough (they say). I’m not.
Now, as I have more time being alone and miserable, I become more alone and miserable. I’m just waiting for the time that all my thoughts go out the window and gradually my rationale leaves me with a pillbox on my hands. Then, BOOM! I’m out. Sweet deal.
Jan. 1 ‘07
posted by Biankeeta at 7:02 PM
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