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What does it take to keep a perfect relationship? An eternal dilemma that I by chance once again encountered.

This question does not only speak of romantic relationship (too cliché) but, this also delve into the core meaning of friendship—a relationship I would rather focus my emotion.

Honestly, I don’t have that many friends. I can easily categorize them through the four stages of my life (most of them has got to do with school): friends from grade school; high school; college and work. And with that I can easily take note on how they call me, those who call me by my first name are from the first 2 category and those who call my by my second name and a mix of my whole name (given, middle and even my last name, however they arrange it) are from the last two. Easy, right? But how I kept them that took a lot of hard work and effort.

What really makes a friend? I can give you a thousand reasons (but not right now) on how to but of course, it always doesn’t follow or apply to everyone’s personal relationships.

I’m a loyal friend. You might have heard a gazillion times about being there through ‘thick and thin’ and dismiss it as hearsay or rubbish or even NA but for me literally through thick and thin. I’ve dropped important meetings, family gatherings, or even work/school stuff just to make sure that my friends do not hang themselves alone.

I’m protective. I can even go to war (even if they say you should fight your own battles) if I have to—I’ve gotten myself into deep shit for feuds that totally has nothing to do with me but a friend asked me to.

I compromise. As you know, you can’t get the best of both worlds. I meet them halfway and if I can give more of my half, I do. I remind them that they too are human (of course they too help me stay one). You show them the clear picture without embellishment or the need of buttering them up. Blunt but not harsh.

Let me emphasize that I am not posing as a professional in this discussion but I am merely sharing what I think. Like most of you, I too am an amateur.

We must keep in mind that there’s a great difference between giving them advice and telling them what to do. Giving advice is being logical when your friends are illogically embracing null reasoning (with a personal touch of course) while, telling them what to do is completely having no regard on your friend’s feelings and disposition—similar to a colonel yelling out orders.

I had a thought earlier, to be a good friend you need to welcome the thought of having multiple personalities. But of course, I do not mean neither do I imply being a hypocrite (that’s one of the biggest boo-boo and no-no). With this thought, I meant that when a friend of yours is in ‘dire’ need (or maybe she/he just needs to talk with) of comfort and coincidentally, you are in the midst of self-pity, you should be prepared to smile and give your friend a nice warm hug and a comforting tone that can slowly elevate their not-so-happy disposition (you can always go back to your self-pity-mode when you’re alone in your bathroom and your staring at yourself in a life-size mirror).

Betraying a friend could be the worst thing you can do. Trust me, I’ve been betrayed before—not pretty. I cried about it between 3-4 weeks EVERYDAY. It felt like a certain part of you has been gnashed out without anesthesia and you know it won’t ever heal. It just keeps bleeding. If I had to choose between the feeling of breaking-up with your decade-old boyfriend and being betrayed by a close friend (the one you told of all the embarrassing stuff that happened to you and maybe the one who owed you a gazillion bucks)—I’d chose the latter. That’s how bad it is.

Meeting and making friends is a piece of cake but keeping them—now that’s the test of endurance and how much you’re willing to give and share.

I choose my friends that’s why I only have a bunch—but a good one.



Jan. 3 ‘07

DISPLACED

The year ended with a lot of fireworks display. I was on top of our apartment complex trying hard not to break my neck from looking up and saying, ooooohhhhhh everytime the flare opens up into different colors in the sky.

Though the year ended with a bang, blowing the ironies and bitterness of 2006 into bits and pieces of ashes—my baggage didn’t. Time of contemplation and counting your graces for most of the people I know, mine: resentment and vague closures (technically, no closure yet) of issues.

I wake up everyday disoriented. I feel displaced. I look around in my room and my mind just registers, Cebu, Cebu, and Cebu; I go out for work and as I sit inside the bus, all I familiarize with is Cebu. I ask myself, Why?

There’s only one explanation I can think of: I’m not yet over Cebu and the relative issues that comes with the place. I thought I was as I declared before. This is not a good thing.

As always, I feel alone and miserable here. I expected it. Clearly, I left unresolved issues just to get away from the stress and frustration they were putting on me. I ran away from my job, the Hulk, and myself. I hurriedly packed my bags and sped off. My friends were clueless and my family shocked (but they had to put up the supportive mode). All I gave them were scraps of explanation (which were a bit defensive), nods and little white lies just to hide the fact that I’m slowly falling apart inside. I’m strong (they say). I’m tough (they say). I’m not.

Now, as I have more time being alone and miserable, I become more alone and miserable. I’m just waiting for the time that all my thoughts go out the window and gradually my rationale leaves me with a pillbox on my hands. Then, BOOM! I’m out. Sweet deal.


Jan. 1 ‘07