daily-s

My colleague and friend The Flash (not his real name also) earlier tonight was complaining about usual stuff (how work sucks, etcetera, etcetera). Then i asked him, you've been drinking before you're shift, eh? Then he lughed, adding that he won't comment further. He said he came from a wedding and asked me to guess what was hte motiff of the wedding. I looked at him...thinking. He was wearing a printed shirt with green leaves (Duh! leaves ARE green). SO, i smiled and said without any humor or whatsoever of trying to be funny (well, they think i always add humor with my comments), LEAVES?

He laughed. It was green.

***

It'll be my SIL (i don't know the exact meaning, all i know the letter-L means LEAVE) tomorrow. Sadly, i wont have my party-crazed friends to go out with because they either have work or more work. SOme of my friends might also be doing something freaky--like studying or something. So, i have to entertain myself besides blogging.

Will watch though the new Superman movie (Superman Returns) with my cousin after she does her freaky thing--studying. Out of curiosity, why are the superhero movies have their sequels with the word RETURNS--Batman Returns, etc.? Must be a hollywood thing.

Can't wait to see Superman Returns and see that Routh guy kick the villains' asses. I'm also curious to see the quality of the CG (comp. graphics, geek) because during trailers he looks so anime-ish or something. He doesnt have a flaw on his face (or must be a really good foundation that he used). Don't like Bosworth as the L. Lane, she looks so... old.

***

I have a dilemma. I'm thinking if i should invite Kurt Cobain into my friend's list in friendster (yah, yah i have one. why do you freaking care?). If i do, he'll be able to see my pics and eventually discover i'm keeping this blog and he's one of the main character in my stories. That'll annoy him. Hmmm....in that case, maybe i should :) haha that would be interesting.

***

Me, Myself & I

I think I may have discovered the reason why my would-be relationship doesn’t become one. I’m an obsessive-compulsive person. I’m a ‘worrier’ and a planner. And I have standards.

My recent tryst with Kurt Cobain (not his real name apparently) didn’t work out because I over planned. What can I do? As they say, segurista ako. I liked him—a lot, that’s a given. Problem is even if we were just exchanging flirtations that implied more than the normal range of the thought, I was already thinking how it would be nice that we’d be in the mall holding-hands, exchanging smiles that only the two of us knows the meaning, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. What can I do? He’s a sweet guy (and would say anything to get into my skirt—pants (?), whatever). And I’m gullible. Am I humiliating my own ass here saying that? I’m just a normal (but freaking weird most of the times) human being—to err is human (did I say that right?).

Going back to my main proposition, I over plan, ok? I may live moments as if it’s the last hour of my life but at the back of my brain, I’m planning things like where we would go on the next date; what I would wear and all those cheesy crap—I even plan how to introduce him to my friends! Even if I was still with The Hulk, I would want to know things beforehand; I wanted details whenever we go out like what time we’d meet; what time he’ll get out of the office; where; what time we’ll go home; even what we’ll be eating which, eventually would annoy The Hulk. That’s normal—in my own sense of normalcy.

I take risks. A lot of them. I even share that advice to my friends. Without risks we wont be able to know how things would turn out. If we take risks we wont have the ‘what could haves’ and’ what ifs’ after we sit alone in the house on a Friday night and no one even bothers to invite us for a night out (boy that’s sad). The catch is, you just have to accept the consequences and you must be prepared of it. But I still have certain confines for taking risks. I’ve been burned before—bad. Commitments are my thing and if I want to be in one I want to make sure that I’m not scorching my own ass.

Next, I have standards. My very strict relatives raised us to be decent and to have pride for what we have even if it wasn’t that much besides, one of my aunts was a Nun before (yes, the opposite rendition of priests). We we’re also taught to be self-reliant and independent so, I know how to get things my own way. Anyway, I may be liberated and open-minded about a lot of stuff like the relative concepts in dating. Kurt Cobain must have gotten the very ludicrous idea that I sleep with just anybody. Well, I don’t. He might have misunderstood my infamous line ‘anything goes’ because clearly I didn’t want to sleep with him on our second date. Even if I said it to him point blank, segurista ako. I guess he’s really not that well versed with Tag-alog or literal meaning of such because I don’t have to use analogy to actually give him the message—even the security guard outside our building would understand that. And so, we left the place without doing anything more than he expected (even Kurt Cobain over planned also haha). That turned him off. Good for me.

The next few days all I got were forwarded messages and smileys. Whaaattttt?! Freaking asshole. That set the records straight. Conclusion: Kurt Cobain didn’t want to go out on dates and get abdominal pains only (well, better off committing suicide again haha). He aint getting any—come to think of it, I also said that point blank to him. He needs to read more.

Standards and (over) planning is what I live by everyday. I follow my own set of rules, mores, and standards. Even if they’re my own, I don’t bend them. I may have problems following other people’s rules (even my Dad’s) but I follow mine.

annoying but entertaining?

My body clock's gone berserk. I was asleep the whole day yesterday and woke up around 8pm just in time for the 'teleseryes'. I love switching form one channel to the other (gma &abs) because its freaking funny how both networks try to provide 'entertaining' programs and shows just to get the majority of viewers' attention but they end up with this really sheesy and annoyingly shows that plots are recycled over and over again. Its hilarious. But, the moment i get disturbly entertained (like i luv NY and whats that other show...) i switch to MTV (stud23, untv, abs, &abc5 are the only channels my antenna can handle) and sing my heart out even if its raining hard outside and the howling of dogs are dueting with me. I dont care. I can sing but not in the right tone.

After the tidious four-teleserye-per-night-before-the-programs, the weekly shows come in. They again bore me so i switch from one channel to another (mind me, we only have four available so its not that exciting). After an hour or two of that, i end up watching the news for the day. News are always the same. Killings there, rape here, leftists and anti-government desperately trying to topple over the governemnt, judy ann and ryan are getting married, unknown starlet (havent heard of her) trying to bicker with ruffa g., chop-chop lady...hahay when will the news entertain like the teleserye...i want to see explosion like apocalypse prophecize, judgement day for catholics, or world war three would be fun. But oh, until they give me that, boredom will stil prevail.

come midnight, both networks are out of good shows but i was fully entertained when the documentary-like shows were on (pipol & reporter's notebook). That kept me glued to the screen. RN was about the disabled individuals in the country trying to find their position; while pipol was about (i think) che-che lazaro's favorite shows. After that, i ended scanning my notebook for viruses out of nothing better to do because my system was in 'GO' signal, no sleep mode. I tried to make a one-act play and was successful on the process (reached 8 pages of 1.5 space manuscript). I love writing early in the morning because my brain tends to work like a printing machine, it never stops. Was almost finished but i forced myself to sleep because i didnt want to be up all night again. Being up in the wee hours of morning reminds me of work and i dont want to do that on my restdays.

I went to sleep with Pablo Neruda's poems being read to me. That induced alot of 'nice' dreams. Hopefully, tomorrow's a new day and the two major networks better come up with highly entertaining shows that won't induce me to a coma.

the afternoon kiss

i dont understanad why people do PDA (public display of affection). I mean, i'm not against to that if its HHWW (holding hands while walking--sabay sway) etcetara--just mild 'display' but if its public display of saliva exchange with tongue and heavy petting and kissing is another thing.

I was waiting in line one time outside of eMall (the ATM machine is right infront of the entrance/exit), music blaring in both of my ears from my ipod so i couldn't care less if there's a shoot-out going on on the next street or if the president get's kidnapped, I saw this odd couple (odd in the sense that they both look 'odd'--don't make me elaborate). Having the habit of observing people (i love creating stories about people's lives from afar). The two was in arms-lock, the guy a foot taller than the girl and had really dark brown skin color. He looked more non-Filipino but still asian and could be around 34 or 35. The girl on the other hand was wearing a white haltered top, hair down and a purse on her right arm. The moment they reached the line of plants (shrubs?) and the lane where the passenger-hogging taxis would line up, the guy immediatly leaned down and started kissing the girl torridly. Mind me, but there are certain torrid-kissing scenarios where it doesnt turn out disgusting and vomit-inducing, this one was an exemption.

So, they kissed and kissed some more. I looked around and saw some individuals with 'mixed' emotions (all negative-looking so, let me spare you). The college guys behind me in line were snickering; the old men on my right side, with cigerette butts all over there land area were disgruntled and disgusted. But, the most expressive individual of the movie-like-frame was the guy infront of me. After the couple started kissing he turned around just in time for me to catch his very funny reaction. His brows were furrowed; he looked as if he was just about to throw up from over-drinking. He was smoking so he threw the cigerette and squashed the flicker with his left foot and walk-out, fuming i assume in his mind.

After a good 5minutes, the sensational kiss was over. I assume they came from the moviehouse because it was wednesday (day for new movies) and surely, they did quite a lot of saliva-exchange in the theater. The guy led the girl into the taxi and bid her a goodbye kiss--just a peck on the kiss. So, what was the kiss before that for? My stories always gets messed up in the end.

ex-factor

I spent my after work hours with my ex-hubby (The Hulk) because I was feeling down and sad for vague reasons. We slept together, literally (without THAT word your thinking). We woke up after five hours with our arms locked to each other, thats been our habit eversince (even if we fought the night before, come morning we're inseperable), and i still like that habit but no can do. We woke up at the same time with the banging of his neighbor telling him to have lunch already (of course, they didn't know i was in there) so, he just told them to go away. We looked at each other. He smiled and closed his eyes. I sat up and plugged the earphones of my iPOD to my ears and played "once in a lifetime" by Freestyle (foreign group). I listened to it for a few seconds and plugged the left earphone to his right ear, i told him he should play it to one of his gigs. H said yes he will. Then my tears slowly betrayed me--they fell. He asked what was wrong, i told him not to worry because for the first time in history it was NOT because of him. He wiped my tears but i asked him to get the bag of tissue i had in my purse. he said to wipe it with his pillowcase (aint he a gentleman?) so, i did and added some snot on it. He finally handed me my stack of tissue after a few minutes. i fell asleep and he went out to eat lunch with his brother and when he came back i asked him (jokingly but in a pacutie tone) if i can have hte 1liter Clairol shampoo. He looked at me and smiled. he said, OK just to make you smile . Then, i smiled and kissed him. Thank you, i said. He added, the 1liter conditioner (in separate bottle) also i dont know why.

Our relationship was chaotic. It was contradicted by everybody and everyone we know. He had done enough damage on me to last me another lifetime but now, i'm learning to forget that. I may have problems forgiving him of what he did but i can try to forget that and eventually forgive him. I don't have ill-feelings towards him. I even continue seeing him once in a while. He's a nice guy. He's sweet and manages to surprise me like what he did earlier.

We may or may not live with each other but at this point, for the both of us, we can't. we're interconnected, it may not be romantic but were good friends.

rock wit me

I’ve been sleeping for the whole day, I woke up and the first thing that shot through me was my stomach grumbling violently. I’m not sure how many hours its been peevish, all I care is that I was in Neverland, flying with the lost boys. Then, I saw my ever-reliable celphone (you don’t know how many times it had shed its life); I wanted to text him and tell him how much of an idiot he is. And I almost reconsidered my cousin’s offer of tormenting him, Kurt Cobain and his superficiality. Hah!

Its like this, the other night while boredom was at its peak in my system, a silly thought entered my silly mind: search for Kurt Cobain in Friendster. I was confident that it wouldn’t turn out any result—well, not at least with his information. But with my great shock and dramatic outburst…he had one. And stupid enough, it had his picture in it. That made me almost run to the toilet. All I could think was ARRRRGGGHHHHH! And all the other incoherent mutterings of a deranged person.

I like him—a lot (or should I say, I liked him?). He’s the first guy I liked after my tectonic-plate-moving-crash-and-burn relationship with another idiot. And I have specifications and conditions.

Is it wrong to have standards especially for the person that you’re going to offer almost all of your time? Boyet greatly disappointed me. He has a Friendster account. I know, I know that im being so overly dramatic about this.

My point here is that, if you’re going to present a specific persona or crowd like rockers in a grunge band, you at least have to act like a full-pledge rocker-in-a-grunge-band, meaning: NO FRIENDSTER or anything jolog-ic manifestations or affiliations (so what if I have friendster? I like the stuff that the ‘indie’ crowd has). That, being a rocker with tattoos, hair not shorter than your Mom’s and the only color recognized are the shades near oblivion—black, you must uphold the reputation and bring forth unity amongst all the other rockers who’s been zealous and protective of your mutual crowd. You do not allow any infestations of psuedo-rockers that after slamming, jamming, and a ton of head banging with co-rockers, ends up wearing the over-baggy pants and the cap worn backwards like Eminem. I know, I’m protective of my own social crowd and reputation—I’ve become an anti-social person so, I protect myself therefore, I’m my own crowd.

My friends look at me in wonderment, asking why I’m making a big of a deal out of this ‘unexpected’ circumstance. I just look at them in contempt and full of hostility. Its just plain wrong. And they back off. Message received.

sushyal life

I've become an anti-social person. My first attempt to like another human being of the opposite sex and be in a pseudo-relationship-monogamous-at-the-same-time has ended in the trash bin. Guy turned out to be an asshole. Need i say more?

Now, all i can think and feel towards this heterosexual relationship is disgust. Frustration. Or maybe i'm just being acidly-sarcastic about all this. OR plainly bitter. My former relationship crashed all over me with me of course expecting it. I was just to timid to do something about it and admit the fact that i can never be the girl for that certain guy. Love sucks.

Ive been sitting all alone in my room for the past few weeks. Toying with my notebook and ipod for an indefinite expanse of time. Waiting for my brains to blow-up (could that actually be possible?). Been trying to contradict the fact that we CANNOT kill ourselves by holding our breath (you know what i mean). Thinking of possible ways how i cant meet my proverbial one without scaring him off to the 9th heavens because of my specifications (but does that mean that he's not my proverbial one?). I like my single-ness and all but i still like cuddling to someone in the middle of the night when the rain is heavily falling, winds blowing in every direction, or plainly when its 3am and im infront of our office building and everything seems so cinematic--good lighting, almost no people are around, you can smell the brewing of coffee..ok, ok, im getting too descriptive about this..see? also, come to think of it, is it normal for a guy--to be exact, a guy who has a grunge band and a complete rocker in every aspect to have a friendster account?

anyhoo, im sick of this rat race. I'm not actually worried of getting all wrinkly alone and desolate from those group of yuppies with hordes of grandchildren. i'd love to be alone, at least i'll have lots of time reading every book in the world. tending my rose garden. feeding my cats. Damnit. i'm turning into one of those old ladies i see in movies where they have a gazillion of cats swarming the house. too bad.