huh?

There’s no turning back. I’m packing my stuff and leaving this place (actually, packing my stuff to Tacloban and then move to Manila). The apartment where I will be staying will be ready by the 10th of next month. My elder sister, Gaela is all fired up with our plan and of course, my elder brother recently mentioned that he’ll like to move in with his retarded sisters. So, there’s nowhere else to go but there.

I’m not the type of person that runs off to every chance I can not to face my problems or issues in life. I face them even if my knees are trembling horribly; even if my stomach is about to spurt a tub-full of vomit; and even if I have people bickering at the back, telling me that I’m being an idiot again. But of course, before I face my fear, I weight the options and choices that I have. I don’t want to go into battle without any bullets or a bullet-proof vest OR even pepper-spray in my pocket—now, that would be idiotic. At this point, staying in this god-forsaken company will only be the most idiotic option that I could choose. I’d rather frolic around and find some greener pastures in the highly congested and polluted area of Metro Manila.

As you might remember, if you scroll down my blog entries, I earlier had an issue choosing between PASSION or MONEY. I asked a ton-load of people from professionals to students and even kids on what would be the ideal or best option. Their opinions varied—a lot that resulted to a headache and the familiar scene in my head of the Devil and Angel arguing. I chose money.
Funny thing is that, I observed that, whenever I ask one of my friends or even random people I barely know. They would first give me this certain look…as if searching for a hint on my face (sometimes body) for the answer that I wanted to hear. Then, they’d fall silent for a few seconds. Give their point of view but then will say, BUT, whatever you chose…etcetera, etcetera. I also noticed (during random chats with my friends) that whenever people ask for advice, they would unconsciously provide the answers to their friends. Basically, all of us (yep, im including mahself here) just want to hear from other people the exact same thing that we have in our freakin brains. Because, for me, we’re just too sissy enough to stand for ourselves and face the relative consequences whichever option we choose. We plainly want to hear them out loud—of course, in the safety of other people’s mouths so that in the end, if everything turns out bad or not according to plans we have those ‘people’ to blame and to bicker with…blackmail is also in the list. Pathetic lil’ beings we are.

Wait. When did this blog entry became a ‘venting-because-I-hate-my-life post?

My Fermenting Proverbial One

I foresee my proverbial-one-concept to be back in the trash bin as what my other pseudo-relationship obsessions turn out to be. Half of my friends attempt to humor me that what I aspire at this point is in GREAT impossibility (note that it’s in bold letters). I would ask them for logical reasons for their remark but they cannot even start to explain—well, they can’t even give plausible reasons. I’d stick with my denial.

Well, slowly I am realizing that this certain “like” is starting to wane. Besides the fact that I actually just humiliated myself a few days ago—thanks to liquor, I have given my friends the permission to kill me, in public if they wish. No other form of embarrassment can be greater to what I just did.

I, under the influence of brandy, declared unto him (through SMS that is) that I have the ‘thing’ for him. Damnit.

Up until now, I still ram my head against the wall to remind me of how stupid I am. And I do hope and pray (even if I don’t practice that anymore) that I didn’t scare him. Sh*t.

But in the midst of my cloud-nine-boredom-of-my-work, I still manage to daydream (oh, wait that’s one of my hobbies) about him. Le sigh, le sigh. Now, the song in my brain is the song being sung (whutttt redundancy) by Adam Sandler in the movie 50 First Dates...the one by the Beach Boys, Wouldn’t It Be Nice. Le sigh, le sigh again. I’ll be downloading that song in my iPod later.

How can I not stop thinking and daydreaming about him? Self-established; Famous for his works in multi-awarded films; again, a VERY intellectual person. Down-to-earth (corny); weird also; the thought of him gives me goose bumps. Now that’s freaky—perfect for me! I remember telling him during one of our chats that ‘normal’ guys pursue me, but they don’t interest me because I’m weird—an oddity that can be an abomination if paired and mixed with normal human beings with normal dispositions.

Le sigh, le sigh mon amour. Damnit.

mixed race

Yesterday was doomsday for our program. We'll have the final curtain effective Oct. 30. I dont really give a damn neither do i feel so melodramatic. What's new anyway? hahah

Funny thing is (i'm surrounded by funny and most of the times corny people), one of our team leads said that our client manager is a mix of Spanish and Negro descent. Out of the blue, he blurted out. He's Spangro.

So right.

***

I havent been updating anything in this blog, i'm bury trying to be busy.

My Yummy Proverbial One

I'm going nuts again. I have met my ideal proverbial one. Slowly and surprisingly i am feeding the incessant obsession for him.

An intellectual. He has wisdom for even mundane things. A soft-spoken individual with such finesse for everything in this world. Though he's in the high heavens galloping with everything he wishes and loves, he still manages to be a part of the crowd.

I am wishing hard, even to the extent of wishing to a wishing well that my colleague found on one of our 'excursions'--in which for sure, that wishing-well is profit based for the well-wished owner.

Yesterday, i could not stop staring at him. I pretended to be listening to every word he was saying--actually, i was listening to him intently, i didn't want to miss anything he was saying. He has nice flawless and rosy skin. Sexy. Nice teeth. Euphimistic laughter. Even the white-strands of hair and his gotee was sexy--exuding intelect. my own George Clooney--le sigh, le sigh. A man of passion and nothing else. How i wanted to hug him and kiss him. Years never really stopped me from admiring someone, especially with his intellect (why can i not stop talking about his intellect?).

But, he is heavens...and i am earth. For now i will suffice my longing for him with the times we were together...and how SEXXXYYYY and YUMMMMYYY he looked.